"Darling, just a little longer," he whispered, tears stinging his eyes and blurring his vision. He squeezed his eyelids shut as tightly as he could, trying to control himself. He didn't want to cry on the phone, it would only distress his beloved husband further. They were both having a hard time dealing with their current separation especially as it had meant them being forced to miss their wedding anniversary.
"Fuck baby," Bam said, voice choked as if he was suppressing tears of his own. "I want to, you know I do but if I'm late again, they'll fine me."
"I know, I'm sorry. I miss you so much sweetheart, rakastan sua."
"Miss you too baby. I can't wait to get home to you, sleep with you, make love with you." Bam sighed heavily, breath hitching just a little. "I love you."
"Love you Bam."
"I'll call as soon as I can."
"Please love."
"I'll miss you till then, later baby, I love you."
"Kuulemiin heila, rakastan sua."
Heart clenching tightly in his chest with pain, he hung up and buried his face in his husband's pillow, trying to drown out his sobs. There were times when he simply couldn't bear being without the younger man anymore. He felt incomplete and empty whenever they were apart and it always hurt but sometimes it was overwhelming. He just couldn't face another night in an empty bed, it was too much.
Getting up, he wiped his come streaked belly and hand clean and slipped on t-shirt and boxers, padding quietly from the room and sneaking into the bedroom next to his.
"Lintti?" he whispered.
The blond rolled over, peering at him through the dark. "Ville? What is it?"
"Can I... can I please sleep with you tonight?"
"Oh Ville, of course." Linde lifted the covers and he climbed in beside him, snuggling close to his friend. It wasn't the same as lying with his lover but at least he wasn't alone. "Did you call Bam?"
"Yeah." He sighed and let Linde slide an arm round his shoulders.
"Is he okay?"
"About as okay as I am."
"Oh." Linde shifted slightly and stroked his hair gently. "You know I'm always here if you need me, don't you?"
"Yeah I know, thank you Linde. I just, I miss him so much all the time and sometimes it just... I feel it in every fibre, every cell and I can't take it."
"Yes you can," Linde said quietly.
"I can't."
"Shh Viltsu, yes you can because you love him and you know he loves you so much. You want him to be happy just as much as he wants you to be."
"I know but."
"You'll cope because it's too important not to."
"But I..." Ville sighed, blinking back tears and dropping his forehead onto his friend's shoulder.
"I know you need him but you know he's coming back to you." Linde's voice dropped to a pained whisper and Ville winced, lifting a hand and stroked his friend's chest slowly.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm okay."
"No you're not."
"Ville please, I don't want to talk about it."
"Are you sure?"
Linde sighed and turned his head away. "I miss him, you know?"
"Yeah."
"The only way I can see him is on TV, if I can bear it. At least then I can see him, hear him but then it hits me, you know? That I won't ever smell him, touch him, taste him ever again and some days that's more than I can deal with." Linde's breath hitched and Ville urged him round into a hug.
"You still love him, don't you?" he whispered.
"Ville don't ask me that, please don't ask me that."
His heart broke for his friend and he held him closer, digging fingers under his dreads to rub his scalp. "I'm sorry," he breathed. Linde was right, at least he knew Bam was coming back to him. At least seeing him on TV, which although occasionally felt like a form of self-torture, got him through until he could fill all his senses with his lover.
"I know," Linde said quietly. "But you don't have to be."
"You're one of my best friends, Lintti, of course I have to be. I love you and when you hurt, I hurt."
"I know but this isn't about me right now, is it?"
Ville sighed, the pain of missing his lover sharpening to pierce heart and soul again and he buried himself deeper into Linde's arms. "I just want him home."
"We all do."
"I'm sorry Linde, I didn't mean to... I just needed someone..."
"It's okay Ville I know, I love you too don't forget."
"Thank you."
Linde kissed the top of his head gently. "Just get some sleep, Viltsu, it'll bring you a day closer to seeing him again."
"Yeah, thanks Linde." He closed his eyes and snuggled close, leaning on his friend's shoulder.
end