Disclaimer: I don't know them never met them and this certainly has never happened nor am I implying it ever could, it is merely a product of my sordid imagination
Pretty much everything about Ville Valo turns me on. Nobody knows that though. To the world I'm an insane clown who likes to hurt himself and other people and pull stupid, dangerous pranks. To my friends I'm slightly insane but mostly a good friend (I hope) and a normal, if loud and over-exuberant, guy. I don't think any of them would guess my secret.
To Ville, I don't know... I don't know why he puts up with me really. He seems to love me but more as a kid brother, definitely not the way I love him. Of all of them I would think he's the most likely to know or have an inkling maybe, although he's never said anything. Then again I don't know if he would.
Anyway back to anything turning me on. Yeah, it's pretty much everything, but there are a few, tiny, little things that really trigger a full blown hard-on and the need for me to disappear into my bedroom and jack off, two, three times maybe... enough that I feel safe in public again anyway.
Having Ville staying with me really doesn't help matters. I usually have to rub one or two out before I go pick him up from the airport, or wherever, just to keep control when he hugs me. His hugs are one of my triggers. He doesn't hug like any of my other friends, even my closest friends like Dunn who give me proper hugs, not those stupid, macho, half an arm things that guys give guys and that mean you aren't gay, or something.
No, Ville hugs like he wants to pull me inside his body and keep me there... do you see why that would trigger an erection in me?
So, yeah, when Ville's staying at my house the likelihood of my needing to run to my room for a quick wank increases exponentially. I've always had to do it so I don't think anyone questions it anymore, I think they just think I have a bowel problem or something. I usually stick on some HIM while I'm jacking off, after all if I can't have Ville, at least I can listen to his fucking gorgeous voice and fantasise.
A while back, when I was listening to Daniel Lioneye I noticed something on a track called Eldorado Baby. I don't know why I'd never noticed it before, probably because my speakers were shit and I'd just got them replaced. In the background, you can hear Ville singing out a beat and interspersing them with little Elvis-esque 'uh huh huh's. Jesus Christ, the first time I noticed that, especially when Ville loses it half way through and giggles a few times, I think I jacked off all night, with the track on repeat.
It's one of my favourite tracks to jerk off to now, especially when Ville's staying over. Don't know why, it feels less of a violation of our friendship I think. There's no way I can stop jacking off and fantasising about having him, any more than I could stop breathing, it stops me from ruining our friendship, and I couldn't live without that. But when he's actually close enough to touch... that's when I feel guilty.
So Eldorado Baby is blasting from my speakers and my eyes are fixed on the Razorblade Romance poster on my wall while I stroke my fist hard and fast over my dick and wish I could have him, all the time knowing that he's right upstairs, chatting to my family, probably wondering where the hell I am.
@>*~
I can hear the faint sound of music coming from the basement. Bam's disappeared off again, if I wasn't so used to it, I think I'd start to wonder if he really wants me around. But I've asked and apparently he does it all the time, not just when I'm here.
The others all think he's got irritable bowel or something, but why on earth would you need to listen to me whilst taking a dump? At least that's what Ryan told me, he always sticks HIM tracks on when he disappears. Except when I'm here, then it's Daniel Lioneye. Maybe he feels bad taking a shit to my voice when I'm actually here to know about it.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I can hear the strains of Linde's voice over his bluesy guitar style in Eldorado Baby and head down the stairs to see if Bam really is in the bathroom. Not that I have a coprophiliac streak in me, just that I'm really curious. If it's about Bam then I want to know and if he's really not well then it's about time he did something about it because I hate to worry about him. I worry about him enough as it is, bad side effect of being secretly in love with your best friend who happens to be straight, you tend to get a bit motherhen-like for the excuse to touch as much as possible.
The door isn't locked. I'm sure it usually is. I push it open slowly and stare, speechless, at my dearest friend, lying half naked on his bed, a beautiful erection wrapped tightly in his fist, jacking himself vigorously. It's the single hottest and most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. Closing the door quickly, I slump to the ground, my knees won't work and all the blood in my body has rushed to my groin so my brain is no help.
Dear God, he's gorgeous. I want him so much it's incredible to me that I've managed to resist him for so long. And I thought he was straight. No, he just doesn't want me.
Damn that hurts.
Forcing myself to my feet quietly, I'm half way up the stairs when I remember something. He normally listens to me. Assuming he doesn't have a bowel problem and is actually always rushing off to wank... then why change to Daniel Lioneye when I'm here?
I can't answer that question and it's burning in my brain so badly that all I can do is turn back around and open Bam's door again. He hears me this time and his eyes go round as his mouth opens and he comes all over his hand, staring right into my eyes. Dear God!
@>*~
Oh fuck! Ville... oh God, Ville saw, he saw and he's still standing there, this look in his eyes that I just don't recognise.
I scramble upright and try desperately to clean myself up and tuck myself away and still he just stares.
“Is this what you always do when you disappear?” he asks suddenly, scaring the shit out of me.
“I...” I feel my cheeks heat up and I just can't look into his eyes. “Yeah.”
“What do you think about?”
“What?!” My eyes widen and I look up again. He looks perfectly serious, if a little flushed himself.
“Well I don't understand okay, why you listen to me sing when I'm not here, but why you listen to Linde when I am. And you're wanking. So I want to know, what do you think about?”
Ville's eyes tense up a little when he says Linde's name and I suddenly have this insane notion that he's jealous. I stare at him and he stalks across the room in that incredibly sexy way of his. Another trigger I might add but luckily just coming means I can't get it up again right now.
“If you wank to my voice,” he says huskily, crawling onto the bed in front of me. “Does that mean you're thinking of me?”
I can't help nodding, his eyes are hypnotic and he is shameless when it comes to using them. He smiles triumphantly for a second then frowns again.
“So why... why Linde?”
I almost laugh and I shake my head. “Not Linde, you.”
“What?” He frowns harder and I press play again so he can hear what I hear, which damn sure isn't Linde. The music starts and then Ville's voice fills me. I watch his face and murmur uh huh huh along with the track.
He stares at me. “My backing vocals? Are you serious?”
“I can't hear this song without popping a major boner, Ville,” I admit quietly. “Especially that part when you laugh.”
“All these years,” Ville whispers.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I'm kinda surprised you didn't notice actually.”
“Is it just sexual?” Ville asks, suddenly looking very closed off and stern. I don't even consider lying when he looks like that.
“No, Ville, it hasn't been just sexual since I met you, I love you.”
He nods. “Yeah, well there's a reason I never noticed you know.”
I raise an eyebrow and he reaches over slowly to take my hand. My eyes widen and I have to swallow hard when I realise he's directing my hand between his legs and suddenly, my palm is pressed against the hot, hard length of his erection.
@>*~
Bam squeaks when I put his hand on my dick and I think it's quite possibly the sexiest thing I've ever heard which makes me laugh. He flushes adorably and I tug him closer. “You see?”
He grins in that shy way he only seems to do around me and which suddenly makes much more sense than it did.
“Is it just sexual?” he asks, still grinning, but with a seriousness behind his eyes that makes me want to hold him and kiss him desperately.
“Dear God no, Bammie, I wasn't nearly this hard until you said you loved me.”
His eyes brighten. “So what you're saying is...” He raises an eyebrow at me.
“That I love you, my n'idiot.” He giggles and pounces on me, kissing me almost before I've finished speaking. His lips are smooth and warm and his tongue laps gently across mine. And I thought I was hard before. Fuck, I don't think I'm going to survive but it'll be worth it.
end